Newspaper

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Los Santos, SA - Tuesday January 14, 2025

"Dipshit" Driving a Big Ass Truck

What in Tarnation

According to State Police Commissioner Lane Frost Jr a "dipshit" was caught by San Andreas State Police (SASP) driving a vehicle on "this here road" (we believe the officer was referring to Vespucci Blvd.). Commissioner Frost stated that the Los Santos Sheriff's Officer (LSSO) was failing to do their job to stop the vehicle so he acted to keep the drivers of Los Santos safe.

Dipshit in big bodacious ass truck

HOWEVER, the small police brains got distracted when an officer meandering in the streets got ran over. The police quickly turned to that and let the "dipshit" drive get away in the humongous vehicle! Will this maniac be stopped from making our roadways unsafe?? Tune in to the morning new to find out!

Punny News: The Shenanigan Chronicles

Issue No. 1 - Sense-less Hunting

Man Shot by Police Following Pursuit

Sept. 03, 2023

An unknown man was shot by San Andreas State Police Commissioner Lane Frost Jr. this evening. While speaking with Commissioner Frost he stated he engaged in a pursuit with a man and the unknown man decided to "fuck arouond and find out". Commissioner Frost alleged the man shot him in the vest resulting in an officer invovled shooting on LS Freeway. The unknown male was shot several times and was treated on scene by multiple EMS personel. While the unknown male was being treated several officers could be seen collecting evidence around the scene.

Commissioner Frost Jr. speaking with reporter Thomas Rouse whilst an unknown male is laying on LS Freeway following officer invovled shooting

The male was transported to Pillbox with unknown injuries at this time. The male is alive.

Recent Arrests

Bonnie Kragg's Sentencing

Mug Shot

Bonnie Kragg was sentenced to jail for 9 month(s) on Wednesday September 20, 2023 09:43:24 PST

Charges:
6.e - Felony Evading Arrest x1 - $1600
30.c.a - Reckless Endagerment x1 - $400

Arresting Officer: Ryan Allen

Raven Lavender's Sentencing

Mug Shot

Raven Lavender was sentenced to jail for 16 month(s) on Friday September 15, 2023 21:37:30 PST

Charges:
2.e - Robbery x1 - $1500
3.f.a - Possession of a Class 2 firearm Aggravated x1 - $1200
6.e - Felony Evading Arrest x1 - $1600

Arresting Officer: Ryan Allen

Slim Hoodrich's Sentencing

Mug Shot

Slim Hoodrich was sentenced to jail for 10 month(s) on Sunday September 10, 2023 20:15:41 PST

Charges:
22.c.a - Battery Aggravated x1 - $1100
2.e - Robbery x1 - $1500

Arresting Officer: Charlie Cooper

Chad Rodgers's Sentencing

Mug Shot

Chad Rodgers was sentenced to jail for 13 month(s) on Sunday September 10, 2023 20:13:15 PST

Charges:
22.c.a - Battery Aggravated x1 - $1100
3.g - Possession of a class 1 firearm x1 - $600
2.e - Robbery x1 - $1500

Arresting Officer: Kenneth Cooper

Chris Von's Sentencing

Mug Shot

Chris Von was sentenced to jail for 18 month(s) on Sunday September 10, 2023 20:12:42 PST

Charges:
2.f - Kidnapping x1 - $3000
2.e - Robbery x1 - $1500
7.m.a - Battery with a deadly weapon aggravated x1 - $1400

Arresting Officer: Ryan Allen

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